Look ahead

I'm not sure whether the act is instinct or born from curiosity. My daughter was just before age 2 and on our outings we of course came across insects, namely ants, crawling about. Her immediate response was to step on them.  It disturbed me, not only because I'm vegan and realize every creature has its place and right to exist, but because my girl is very sweet and to see this as a first reaction to a creature smaller than her was a bit disappointing.
I told her NO. I explained to her that the ants have things to do. Some have to get food, some have to go to work in the tree. If I was out to get her strawberries and someone bigger stepped on me, she wouldn't get berries or a mom.
This was probably the only time she listened to me, comprehending,  not interupting. It took some months of reminding.  But she ever since then hesitated before stepping on an insect. She's almost 3 now and has no urge. She says Hi and Bye as easily as she would to anyone in the neighborhood, whether human, dog, bird, or mayfly. At an age where one is notoriously self serving, rebelious, and stubborn -we are all viewed as equals. A doctor heading to surgery is no more or less important than a bee collecting pollen.  A turtle should be able to safely cross the street to get to a lake as easily as we cross the freeway to attend a sport event.
Regardless of whether destruction is instinct and compassion is taught or vice versa, one can always be learned over the other. How we choose is based on logic vs. Self.  What makes sense on the whole level vs what will give me the most now.  As era after era passes, the latter becomes more prominent and not due to it's virtue or logistic value, but because it requires nothing.  Despite what we've been sold on, (by means of opinions held by those in power or popular favor, or by which commerical had the catcher jingle) the results equate to nothing as well. It's quick to parish, become outdated,  diminished in value to the point of being nothing.
An act based on logic, value of life and lives, and compassion for all existence and our individual purposes makes a mark. Its like a beautiful vine that always grows, always spreads, always flowers regardless of season. Now as long as we don't put up any gawdy garden trellises,  keeping it confined, the beauty can be seen and felt by all.
Unfortunately the whole planet has been made unsightly by these tacky trellises and cheap concrete walls that only get higher so we can't see this "vine". This represents the zen we seek, the nirvana that seems out of reach, the filler for all the empty holes we try to fill with temporary thrills, and the love we all feel entitled to. We NEED as in NECESSARY, HAVE TO, NON NEGOTIABLE FOR OUR EXISTENCE, NEED to tear these perverbial and actual walls down.

Somewhere Over the River

The bridge over the Missouri River is an unsuspected portal between two completely different worlds. I have always lived on the south side and for the last year, I've crossed over on a daily basis to go to work in Liberty. It's a sleepier version of Lee's Summit; lacking the energies of being the burial ground for historical outlaws, and the setting for a few Phillip K Dick stories.
However, there's something about this place I just don't understand. Why are people north of the river so angry? There's an obnoxiously negative vibe coming from just about everyone in that redneck of the woods: NKC, Liberty, Excelsior, Lathrop, Smithville, Kearney...ok if it's the area then MOVE!
The biggest laugh is people getting all snooty over Zona Rosa. Really??? Been there. It's basically the Independence Center with a sidewalk and the option for underground parking. Whoopee frickin' Ding! Ever been downtown? You know, the Plaza, Westport, unique businesses offering cultural variety...but wait; those people would NEVER venture south of the river. They might turn into a pumpkin, or WORSE yet- experience diversity!
Seriously, before I can even greet a customer an aura of hatred fills the building as the door is opened. You would think I was working the DMV instead of selling simple little electronics.
And I'm GUESSING those SUVs and double decker double wide 3 story diesel duellies DON'T come with turn signals?!?!? I guess I'll never know, NOBODY ever uses them!
And what's HILARIOUS is these people have this COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED NARCISSISM like they ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY!! HA! They certainly don't spend it. What a bunch of white trash cheap asses, wasting an hour of my time getting REAL knowledge on items and then going to WAL-MART to get a crappier quality for 2 bucks cheaper just to come back 3 months later telling me the Wal-Mart version stopped working. No Shit Sherlock!!
And the real kicker, people at the gym. I'm an Anytime Fitness member. I usually go to the Lee's Summit one where I'm enrolled. It's so welcoming. People actually smile and say "Hi". Whoa, weird huh? However, when I'm short on time I just gotta go to the one in Liberty. Fine with me, at first, because they have a little more of a variety as far as equipment; but there's OBVIOUSLY TOO MANY DAMN PEOPLE ON STEROIDS! Man, whenever these roided out douche bags see a girl lifting weights their vibe screams INSECURITY! And they're all completely homo-phobic military pinheads. Homophobia-what a wasted emotion.

I've got the source narrowed down, DRUGS. From the apparent use of pills, steroids, METH (oh, that's a BIGGIE and too obviously), pot (half the people smell like a Cypress Hill concert), and Crack (I've actually seen a crackpipe fall out of a customers purse).

So there you have it. The ever oxy-moronical display of feeling superior yet your life actually sucks horribly because you're an insufferable excuse of a person can be blamed simply on being a junkie. Somewhere over the river...people smoke crack.

I'd Rather Be With An Animal

Animals are Superior Beings.

Today, my husband and I were on our way to eat lunch when a little black Pekinese came running over. We searched the parking lot for anyone looking for a dog but didn't find the elusive owner. I found a heart shaped tag on the little guy reading Sargent Pepper, with a phone number. The man on the other end seemed really nice and concerned about his dog but was at work so he couldn't meet us, nor could his wife as she was a shut-in with two kids. So I offered to take the dog to the house. He thanked me several times and we were on our way. After quite a long walk (since we figured it was just a block away, not 6 blocks) the woman who greeted us was a total bitch who was capable of nothing other than squeezing out mouths to feed in order to trap her husband into a lifelong horror with that insufferable harpy. She suggested we should have dropped the dog in a trash can. Glad to know we saved the dog from running into traffic so he could go home to such a warm and loving environment. My hubby said the poor thing was probably on a suicide mission. I hope the man I spoke with was the dogs main owner. He did growl when I picked him up, but didn't growl when Timmy did. I wish we had taken him home with us.

But that had me stirred all day. How can anyone prefer the company of the unfoundingly narcissistic, backstabbing, self-indulgent and destructive, asshole species of humans? To be fair, not all people are like that, but mostly in the mid-west; OK mostly in Lee's Summit.

Here's my kudos to the animal kingdom.
Animals will not judge you, ask you for favors that they wouldn't return, use the last of the toilet paper and neglect to tell you, make fun of your hair color or bad cut because I sneezed while holding the scissors, accuse you of things you didn't do, cry if you forget their birthday, give you shit for not living up to your potential, bitch at you for procrastinating laundry day, call you into work on your day off, gripe at you for smelling up the bathroom after eating lentils and spinach because you switched to vegetarian, charge you late fees, sue you for any reason, blame you for getting bad directions and driving smack dab in the sleaziest ghetto after dark, lie to you, scam you, hit you, key your car, steal your stuff for crack money, come home drunk, call you names, or drink the last Coca Cola (they can't open the fridge very well without thumbs; that last line is not for people with pet monkeys or anything with tentacles).

The best part is- NO BULLSHIT! NO DRAMA! If I piss off someone, whether I meant to or not, I usually get the wussy runaround of finding out. This person will be nice to my face and bitch about me behind my back accumulating days or even weeks of rumors, underground retaliation, and me wondering "What the hell is going on?!?" Learn from the animals. If I piss you off, let me know to my face that instant! It can be fixed. I can make my cat mad. It isn't intentional, but for example; I scoot her off the bookcase, turn off the space heater, or skip a day on the litter change. Her answer is simply pee on my bed, if the door is closed she'll pee on my purse. Annoying as it is, it speaks her message very clearly. No question, no drama, no bullshit. She's pissed and I know it. I fix the problem, she nuzzles me. It's all good.

If you ask my husband and I if we have kids, we'll say "Yes! Fourteen of them. One dog, three cats, a bunny, two guinea pigs, two pink kissers, one beta, three mollies, and our algae-eater." We love them as though we spawned them ourselves. If you are blessed enough to have a critter your own, keep in mind they love you regardless of all of your faults (and you DO have them). Treat them the same. Namaste!

In Cheap We Trust

Two of the biggest and most contradictory complaints I hear day after day are-"Wal-Mart has this cheaper." and "Why is everything made in China?"

Well America, you asked for it. YOU want things cheaper. At ANY cost (pun intended). It's getting to a ridiculous stage as well. A customer came in for an item, and low and behold, Best Buy had it $5 cheaper. And so this thrifty (what I mean is, dumb as hell cheap ass son-of-a-nitwit) shopper decided to drive 15 miles to the nearest Best Buy-in a Suburban. Wait a tick! Isn't that AT LEAST $5 worth of gas away? Why, YES!

You see, my fellow Americans, you want it cheap. Plain and simple. So don't bitch and moan that these items you are determined to find, at the lowest price, are MADE IN CHINA. And WHY does it seem everything is made in China? Because they have a VERY LARGE population, no (or limited) child labor restrictions, and lower cost for living. They can work cheaper, and there is a lot of competition for employment so they have to take what they can get. THUS, it costs less to mass produce quality products that us cheap ass Americans want.

I haven't come across many Chinese made products that are worse or better than something made somewhere else. Quality isn't the issue. It's national pride. Americans will always say they preferr American Made (yep, they all "Look for the Label") but when it comes down to nickels and pennies, Americans will get the item that's $1.99 cheaper. So don't act shocked when you spot the Made in China label.

Consider what the Chinese are offering as a favor. A give and take. You want the biggest house, the biggest vehicle, the thickest steaks, bigger Bigger BIGGER!!! But the cheapest electronics. All the Chinese can hope for is food and shelter. There is no BIG in China. There's no room.

So when you can afford to spring for the Tripple Quarter Pounder, as opposed to the sad little double-Thank the Chinese. Afterall, they made it possible to save you $3 on that GPS that would otherwise cost you a fortune for the one made in Germany.

Honey Mustard...Mayonnaise?!?!?

Why? Give me a moment....I'm holding back chunks. First of all, I'd like to state my distress for the apacolypse of culinary progression-MAYONNAISE. I hate it. If you don't hate it, you must undoubtedly be demon spawn-there can be no other explanation. Let me reiterate, if you will, with the top 5 reasons to hate this condiment that the French discovered from pureeing alien placenta.

5. It's whiteish yellow.
4. It tastes like dehydrated jizz.
3. It's bad for you (as in 10 grams of fat per measly tablespoon).
2. It may or may not be made out of the souls of the innocent.
1. It's called "MAYONNAISE" - a word so aesthetically disturbing, it induces vomiting upon impact.

Now that THAT'S out of the way. What could be worse? ADDITIONAL SUBSTANCE! It's a TRICK! A government conspiracy even...brought to you by the beloved, over-priced Honey Baked Ham Company! Yes, but of course.

HONEY-the whole reason you walked in the place. Sweet, drippy, savory, tangy goodness that could only be produced by adorable little bees. Hopping flower to flower just so we can enjoy naturally sweetened teas, Honey Bunches of Oats, Honey Comb, the Queen is in her castle eating bread and honey, you get the picture. It's good stuff. Love it. If you don't then you are undoubtedly a brain-eating zombie bastard.

MUSTARD-It makes your cheeks tingle. It makes hotdogs (an otherwise horrible creation) worth stomaching. It's good for you-it burns calories naturally, fights hunger cravings, boosts metabolism. The darn stuff is a good, wholesome friend to all good American traditions-cookouts, ball games, hotdog (ot whitehot) vendors. There's no need for cage rattling on this one. I love it. If you don't then you are undoubtedly a Murderous Neo-Nazi Eskimo Transvestite Clown. I'll still talk to you, but fully aware you're not right in the head.

Honey-mmm. Mustard-mmmm. Honey-Mustard-mmm on occassion. But Honey-Mustard-Mayonnaise?!?!? AN ATROCITY! AN ABOMINATION! JUST KNOWING IT EXISTS MAKES ME WANT TO CHUNDER IN THREE DIRECTIONS TO SEPERATE THE ELEMENTS AND MAKE IT RIGHT AGAIN!! WHY????
Seriously, why do that to food? We need it. It makes us strong. Whomever the advocates of hate and vile happen to be--do what you will to the elderly and the diseased. But leave our food alone!
In the words of the Great Reverend--"Hammer, please don't hurt'em."

The Sunny Side of Bullshit

Why is it, Americans cannot swallow a simple truth without being spoon-fed like babies? Straight forwardness has been mistaken for pessimism way too much lately. Has America the Brave become Homeland to the Wishy Washy? Yes indeed. My thoughts about this are a little disorganized, as the whole matter boggles me completely. So here are some examples:
A woman is freaking out because she got seperated from her boyfriend at a Wal-Mart, and she asked me if she could use my cell phone. I said "No, I don't feel comfortable sharing my cell phone." Which is true, and that is my right. She, however, made such a fuss to tell everyone in line how snobby and rude I was. How was I to know she wouldn't steal it? What if she was a nose picker and got her booger germs all over my phone? Gross. It's my right to say no. Simple as that.
A customer wanted a laptop and was trying to base her decision on the ticket amount, not the features. So, since she wanted to spend no more than $400, I showed her the Compaq Cheapo Piece-o-Crappo Deluxe. She loved the price. "Is it fast?" she asks, "No" I honestly reply. Can I play high graphic games? No. "Well, you're not helping me at all." Were her exact words. I show her the better but not extravigant laptops starting at $600, since they suited her needs..but that was an unreasonable amount of money. So I tell her,without any tone of snippiness, you will get what you pay for. This laptop is a basic as it gets and for that the price is more than fair. Boy did the head office get a load from her. So I'm punished for not lying to her about a shitty product. I was honest, which is what I expect from a salesperson, and I was the asshole. Really.
I made a recent post on a complete waste of time, called Facebook, about how it's time to say goodbye to my fun Halloween garb and get ready for dead bird stuffed with soggy bread. The IS quite ACCURATELY what it is. Nothing negative about it...I love the stuff. I look forward to it every year. But this inspires a member of my friend list to referr to me as having a dreary outlook. I certainly wasn't knocking the great feast, just telling it like it is. And I'm a dreary, pessimistic asshole.
I am quite possitive. But I don't kid myself, or others, with unneccessary candy coated embellishments. A turkey is a dead bird. Stuffing is soggy bread. A Compaq is a low end basic laptop. I don't want strangers touching my stuff. If you ask me for change, and I can spare it, I will. If I'm broke, you get nothing. That's not unfair. What's unfair is for me to bend over backwards to make everyone I encounter feel like everything is sooo much better than it is because you wussy marshmallows can't handle the truth that maybe things are just mediocre.
I will be the last to lie. You will never experience the unpleasant aftertaste of bullshit when you talk to me. But if bullshit tastes like cherry pie to you, then don't talk to me. Really- I'm fine!

Ahoy, patrons of stupidity!

There are some things in life that need to be clarified. I think a list is in order...and much easier for dumbasses to read.

1. NOTHING IS FREE! Just because you spend a decent junk of change on something, that doesn't mean you get something else of monetary value for FREE! Someone has to pay for that "thing" somewhere down the line and since you want to be the one to own this...YOU MUST PAY! Who are you that you deserve free of charge what some other sap has to work hard for, or spent their time and skill to make? GET OVER YOURSELVES!

2. SALES PEOPLE ARE NOT EXPERTS! Don't go to a retailer (i.e., Best Buy, RadioShack, Office Depot, etc) and ask to speak to an "Expert". Do you know what "experts" do? They charge idiots like you for professional and accurate tech support that they spent $$$ on getting certified for so they can make a living at that. Charging the "technically inept" $30-$50 an hour to do what you can't because you're too lazy to read a manual. You want an expert? Go to one (and NO, GeekSquad doesn't count)! Use the yellowpages.

3. A NOTE ON WORKING ON COMMISSION. Salespersons at the retailers listed work on what's called "commission". That means they don't get paid unless you buy something. So DO NOT waste their time getting valuable information on a quality product that you're just going to buy at Wal-Mart for a few bucks cheaper from morons that wouldn't know a router from a shoelace. Do this and you will go to hell. Don't believe in hell? I will make one just for you. But seriously, would you work for free? Of course not, no one would. Don't be an ass by thinking people should work for free when you're jerk ass would not.

4. IF YOU'RE TOO OLD TO READ A VERY LARGE SIGN, YOU'RE TOO OLD TO DRIVE! That would seem very self explanatory. Just because you're one foot into the grave and pissed off about it, doesn't mean you get endanger others and deny them the inevitability of feeling as worthless as you do.

and finally...at least for now..

5. EVERYTHING IS MADE IN CHINA! "Is this made in China?" "I don't want something made in China" Too F_ING Bad!! And don't blame the chinese! It's Americans who want things cheap. Its AMERICANS who will go to Wal-Mart to get something 2 dollards cheaper! American made is NOT CHEAP LABOR! There are unions that involve fees and minimum wage is rising, and to make a good American product you need to hire SKILLED LABORORS who will NOT work for minimum wage making this quality product which is something you will not buy because WAL-MART HAS THE CHINESE VERSION OF IT 3 DOLLARS CHEAPER!!!

And that's about all the hot air I can hold for right now, thanks for tuning in and Goodnight!