I'd Rather Be With An Animal

Animals are Superior Beings.

Today, my husband and I were on our way to eat lunch when a little black Pekinese came running over. We searched the parking lot for anyone looking for a dog but didn't find the elusive owner. I found a heart shaped tag on the little guy reading Sargent Pepper, with a phone number. The man on the other end seemed really nice and concerned about his dog but was at work so he couldn't meet us, nor could his wife as she was a shut-in with two kids. So I offered to take the dog to the house. He thanked me several times and we were on our way. After quite a long walk (since we figured it was just a block away, not 6 blocks) the woman who greeted us was a total bitch who was capable of nothing other than squeezing out mouths to feed in order to trap her husband into a lifelong horror with that insufferable harpy. She suggested we should have dropped the dog in a trash can. Glad to know we saved the dog from running into traffic so he could go home to such a warm and loving environment. My hubby said the poor thing was probably on a suicide mission. I hope the man I spoke with was the dogs main owner. He did growl when I picked him up, but didn't growl when Timmy did. I wish we had taken him home with us.

But that had me stirred all day. How can anyone prefer the company of the unfoundingly narcissistic, backstabbing, self-indulgent and destructive, asshole species of humans? To be fair, not all people are like that, but mostly in the mid-west; OK mostly in Lee's Summit.

Here's my kudos to the animal kingdom.
Animals will not judge you, ask you for favors that they wouldn't return, use the last of the toilet paper and neglect to tell you, make fun of your hair color or bad cut because I sneezed while holding the scissors, accuse you of things you didn't do, cry if you forget their birthday, give you shit for not living up to your potential, bitch at you for procrastinating laundry day, call you into work on your day off, gripe at you for smelling up the bathroom after eating lentils and spinach because you switched to vegetarian, charge you late fees, sue you for any reason, blame you for getting bad directions and driving smack dab in the sleaziest ghetto after dark, lie to you, scam you, hit you, key your car, steal your stuff for crack money, come home drunk, call you names, or drink the last Coca Cola (they can't open the fridge very well without thumbs; that last line is not for people with pet monkeys or anything with tentacles).

The best part is- NO BULLSHIT! NO DRAMA! If I piss off someone, whether I meant to or not, I usually get the wussy runaround of finding out. This person will be nice to my face and bitch about me behind my back accumulating days or even weeks of rumors, underground retaliation, and me wondering "What the hell is going on?!?" Learn from the animals. If I piss you off, let me know to my face that instant! It can be fixed. I can make my cat mad. It isn't intentional, but for example; I scoot her off the bookcase, turn off the space heater, or skip a day on the litter change. Her answer is simply pee on my bed, if the door is closed she'll pee on my purse. Annoying as it is, it speaks her message very clearly. No question, no drama, no bullshit. She's pissed and I know it. I fix the problem, she nuzzles me. It's all good.

If you ask my husband and I if we have kids, we'll say "Yes! Fourteen of them. One dog, three cats, a bunny, two guinea pigs, two pink kissers, one beta, three mollies, and our algae-eater." We love them as though we spawned them ourselves. If you are blessed enough to have a critter your own, keep in mind they love you regardless of all of your faults (and you DO have them). Treat them the same. Namaste!